We're a little crazy, about science!

Day 303: Police food fight


Well here’s something I never thought I would have to write about, the food is all right. Contrary to reports by police, no one is poisoning their food. In fact, every time a new story comes up regarding tapered food and the police it turns out the officers involved were (surprise!) lying outright. There are strangely so many of these incidents that it’s hard to keep up with, what is it about police that makes them think it’s okay to keep lying?

Narrator voice: But he already knew it was the lack of accountability and consequences that made police believe they could lie all they wanted.

So what the hell happened now? Where to start, on one hand three officers thought they were drinking poisoned milkshakes by steakshack employees (more here). Never been to steakshack, but it turns out the allegations were completely false, just another example of police wanting attention when everyone is telling them to stop killing people (hint they haven’t stopped killing people).

Now alone this doesn’t create a pattern of victimhood that the police foster. No, we have to look at other instances of foul play (by police) in order to create a narrative that they are somehow under attack. Take for example, the officer who said someone took a bite out of his hamburger. Spoiler alert: Someone did! It was him (more here). The theme of course is that it’s an oops moment instead of a, “you caught me in a lie” moment. There’s always an excuse when the police get caught and it’s never a good one.

Okay, maybe the guy has some memory issues and didn’t remember taking a bite out of his own burger. He probably shouldn’t be an officer if he can’t remember stupid shit like that, but whatever. How about the time an officer wrote “fucking pig” on his coffee and blamed it on the employees (more here). I mean it’s an accurate statement and at least he knows, but I mean if you’re going to put yourself down, don’t blame it on others. Yet again, nothing happened to the officer. It’s like making false statements as a police officer is somehow okay.

Here’s a fun one, officer goes to subway and grabs some food and drink. Then the officer tastes something funny in his drink. At the station, they use a test * KNOWN TO BE INACCURATE * to see if there were drugs in his drink. The test found THC and methamphetamines. This dude ruined a business over this, further testing showed nothing was in the drink and the drug screening of the officer also showed nothing. However, the police didn’t come right out and say hey our fault the dude is an idiot. Instead they let this story ruin the business (more here). Somehow even after highlighting how horrible this test is, they still use it! I mean that isn’t going to cause problems for innocent people at all.

Why is it always milkshakes? Portland (Oregon) Police claimed protesters were throwing milkshakes at people. Not just any milkshakes, milkshakes made with quick drying cement (more here). Police get an anonymous email letting them in on this little story. Instead of doing their job and investigating this claim, they run with it. It’s good to know that they will trust some random email without actually doing their job (even more). Politicians ran with it, even after all of this was proven to be false. In fact, then they started claiming it was the lactose in the milk causing problems (oh scary!), but the shakes were vegan. Yep, as in no milk involved (the update to that story). Turns out the only thing wrong with the shakes were they tasted great and kept from the LITERAL FUCKING NAZI’S THEY WERE PROTESTING.

It’s always the milkshakes. Here’s another example where police were claiming protesters were using concrete ice cream (read more). The truth was these are concrete curing tests. The composition is literally written on the COFFEE cups in the photo. No one was trying to throw concrete at police. Yet not only is this story still going like it’s real, the police haven’t corrected it. No surprise there given everything else inaccurate they haven’t corrected.

This is just the tip of the police food fight iceberg. The truth is, this could be a series of posts and not cover all of the stupid, weird, and downright dangerous claims police are making. If you’re a police officer and you’re experiencing that much stress and anxiety about fucking food, maybe I don’t know, pack a lunch like a normal fucking person. Also, find a new job, you’re clearly not stable enough to be an officer, much less possess a firearm.



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