I fully and completely wanted to die. I like starting stories of my life off that way so you set your expectations low and your pity high. I wanted to die and I tried to kill myself the best way I could think of, obviously it didn’t take. Today is the end of my 365 days of academia project and I feel like looking back, way back. If you feel like reading a super depressing tale, then this is for you!(more…)
TW: Suicidal ideation
I’m having a hard time at the moment. It’s been building and I think it would be a good idea to talk about it before it gets bad. If you aren’t in a good headspace to read this, then you should probably turn away now. Otherwise, let’s get to it.
Okay, so not every post has to be strictly academic. If my twitter feed is any indication yesterday was world suicide prevention day. So with a heavy heart I have not one, but two very personal stories regarding suicide. Obviously this is a content warning for those wanting to go further, we will be dealing with suicide, death, and suicidal ideation.
If you have experienced — or are experiencing — mood disorders like anxiety or depression, you know about SSRI’s and chances are they didn’t do much for you. In fact studies indicate that the majority of people with mood and anxiety disorders who receive Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI’s) are not helped by these medications. Sadly, they are the most commonly prescribed class of antidepressant medications, this is because SSRIs are designed to increase serotonin levels, a neurotransmitter in the brain that is key to maintenance of mood.
As a Marine, there is a special place in my heart for all things military. While most protesters are busy arguing about the people who are dying overseas, there is an even more disheartening statistic — the suicide statistics of service members here at home. Suicide is an ugly word, so it’s no surprise that there is not a large movement fighting for better care and a new study done on soldiers doesn’t help.
I tried to kill myself, more than once in fact. It was a troubling time for me and as a former active duty Marine that might not be too surprising for people to hear. I’m not proud of it and with where I am now, it seems like a pretty solid decision to stay alive, honestly if it wasn’t for my brothers in arms I might not even be typing this now. Unfortunately the statistic for suicide in the military is high enough that no one would have been shocked. Typically the “treatment” is therapy and medications, I say “treatment” in parentheses because you would have to know something was wrong first. But what if suicide was more than just in your head? What if it was in your blood too?