That feeling when you’re tired all day, you lie down to finally get some rest and you’re suddenly wide awake. Hypersomnia, parasomnia, insomnia, why does sleep have to be so complicated? Some days you want your brain to shut off and it fully agrees with you until the second it’s time to do just that. Unfortunately in life there are no easy answers, as much as we wish their were.
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Kind of a misnomer since this is definitely not THE last paper, but it’s paper four of four. The fourth paper in my roadblock of papers where things were coming in, but for whatever reason nothing was moving forward. Now with two of the four published and one in review again after a request for edits, I’m assuming it will be accepted (sooooon!). That leaves me with exactly one paper left and there are finally updates.
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Working in a research hospital is awesome. Things are streamlined that aren’t in academia and this was probably most apparent when I first started doing research in that setting almost three years ago exactly now. There is still a lot of red tape and things that need to be approved, ethical research is important in both academic and clinical research, it’s just handled by others instead of it all being your job. That doesn’t mean clinical research is all sunshine and rainbows though.
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With a little luck, I’m a year away from graduating. It’s been one hell of a journey and I really hope I hit this goal. Still, I keep thinking what’s next and the truth is the future looks a lot like the present. It’s not just because I’m now working at a research hospital, that helps, but what I mean is that the difference between being a student and being a researcher isn’t all that different. You have to learn new skills.
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Sometimes life comes at you fast, other times you’re writing a paper and four years later you’re still looking to publish it. Publishing can be like that and while I’m not the only one with this type of story, I do believe we’re finally coming to an end of the robot paper saga. I’m really hoping I don’t have a whole ass PhD before this thing gets published, that would just be awkward.
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Well we’re just a few days away from robot paper deadline and there’s still some work to be done! While robot-PI is still editing the paper, I had an unfortunate realization with some of the work I had done that requires me to go in and fix a few things. So once again, I’m doing things as hard as possible.
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Every once and awhile I like to highlight what kind of stuff I’m working on during the week and since there are a lot of things going on and none of them would make a very “full” post on their own, I think it would be best to group it all together and look ahead because there are some very interesting things happening this week!
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Weekends are historically the time where I get the bulk of the work that seems to pile up during the week done. This weekend is no different and since there’s plenty to keep me busy, I am once again distracting myself by writing. Mostly because I feel like talking about what I need to do helps me figure out the best order of things to get done. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn’t, but I like my little system.
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I’ve been a student for some time now, roughly 15 years since undergrad (not counting “traditional” schooling growing up. Over these years there were several instances, really I would consider them setbacks, where I just didn’t know what I didn’t know. Hindsight is 20/20, but the exception for me has always been seeing personal growth.
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There’s work to be done and as usual when things pile up like this, I like to discuss (as much as I can) the things I’m up to. Mostly as a (semi) sanity check. I want to make sure that when I write out the stuff I’m doing or the order I’m working in that it makes sense to do it in that way. So what’s in the need to do pile today? Lots of stuff, ranging from data analysis to paper writing. The work never seems to be finished.
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A recent blog comment reminded me of something I said the other day to surgeon-PI. Keep in mind that surgeon-PI and I have only known each other since he started at the hospital, which isn’t long. While we were doing an experiment in the OR, so under his watch, we discussed some of the challenges with the experiments we were doing and when we tried to change things on the fly he said it was bad science, to which I replied people are squishy. I said what I said damn it!
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Several days ago I ran into a group of people who work with chronic pain patients. I don’t remember how the conversation got started or why we ended up discussing treatment options, probably because of the work I’m doing, but the conversation stuck with me and it isn’t for good reasons. Let’s face it pain is a pain. Frankly we need pain in our lives, but even with the best things, moderation is key. So what happens when good pain pathways go bad?
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Today is going to be quite busy between OR experiments and all the other stuff I have going on (writing, data processing, etc.). One of those other things is something I thought would be easier than it’s turning out to be and so I figured I would talk about it today. I work in a teaching hospital and specifically I do research in lab that does human experiments. I really love it and I’ve talked about all that before, but now we’re discussing what my goals are for my employment and it isn’t as straightforward as I expected.
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Yesterday due partly to the house work I was having done, I got none of the data processed I needed to do, but I had a chance to address some of the comments I got from the reviewers on “robot paper.” The response is due in just a few days and one reviewer was very thorough with their feedback, so there’s a lot to address and not a lot of time to get it done. The good news is ~94% of the comments are addressed, the only bad news is that it isn’t 100%.
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I’ve got a lot going on at the moment and the more I seem to get done the more I have to do. By Monday I need to have work done that would take me about twice as long to do. If it’s one thing this blog project has taught me, it’s that I’m always one missed deadline from catastrophe. Or at least that’s the way it feels inside my brain and I do not enjoy it!
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That was fast. I wasn’t expecting to hear anything back from the IRB so quickly, but here we are and I have a bit of work to do. Technically we didn’t get the IRB reviewed yet, it’s only been “pre-reviewed,” but pre-review helps speed things up when the IRB meet next (in about a month) to look over the application. Since we were asked to make some modifications, this should help bring our IRB application up to standard before the IRB actually review it.
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Now we wait… There’s a lot of things up in the air at the moment, but right now school-PI is reviewing my proposed plan for my dissertation and the timeline I gave to get it all done. There’s a lot of “ifs” involved with this and I’m not sure what constitutes as “enough” for a PhD. Thankfully I know the funding I was awarded is more than I need to do so I have an extreme upper limit to the work (or what I hope is an extreme upper limit).
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Well today’s post comes far later than I would’ve liked, but hey it’s been a day. What kind of day? Well surprise, surprise I cannot talk about it! That’s the theme, I get to hint at stuff for a year or so and then surprise everyone with the paper after the fact. But today did inspire something that I can talk about and that’s why today we’re talking about why I love research so much!
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I’ve had one other instance where we had two OR experiments in a single day and that was exhausting. Thankfully we had a break in the middle so that I could get everything cleaned and prepped for the next time. Unfortunately I’ve just been made aware that next week we get to try things on hard mode next week.
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Oh man, I haven’t been in the OR since last year! Okay we’re only a few days into the new year, but it does feel like it’s been a bit with the holidays. That’s going to change though because tomorrow is our first OR experiment of the year. And with the new year, we have some new changes to the experiment that we’ll be trying since we’ve had over a half dozen attempts to do this right with somewhat mixed success.
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Well the CDC recently changed its guidelines from 10 days isolation if infected to 5 days. This was a move fully done for the benefit of big business and not people, but hey sometimes we’ve got to lube the gears of the economy with blood. Specifically, the blood of people who are poor, but who cares about them anyway? I think there’s a fine line between government protection and government control, but we’re so far removed from any sort of protection I think it’s not a conversation worth having.
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In the spirit of making things as hard as I possibly can for myself I’ve gotten a new project to work on from hospital-PI. This was a known thing, but it does (mildly) clash with the idea I recently had. Since I cannot share the idea I had, we can instead talk about this project a bit and why the two will be at odds. I also have a fun update on the big idea project I came up with so I’m shoehorning it in with this post since it’s semi-related.
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Logically I knew I would get a response sooner or later, I mean you submit something to a journal and you’re going to get a response. Even if it’s just a screw you, you hack. Can you tell I’ve already had several of those? Well yesterday I finally got the email about the paper I wrote on the work I did in my Masters degree days, which feels like a very long time ago now that I’m almost done with my PhD. The news is good, but I’m going to be cautious.
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As of yesterday I’ve started turning my latest idea into a reality. While I was working I realized that I have a large skillset and most of it wasn’t obtained through the traditional school route, but almost all of it has helped me become a better student and researcher. While there are plenty of things I wish the school required for a researcher, for those of you starting out it’s not too late to think about what seemingly disconnected fields may help you do your science better.
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Since I shared one of the papers I was super proud of, I figure I can share the other one as well. Like the last paper (here) I’ll explain the concept and why this paper was important. I’ll also talk about why I think it was cool and where the idea came from. Mostly this post is for people who are interested in the work, but may not be familiar with the technical aspects so I’ll try to avoid technical terms or I will provide an explanation when needed.
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I said this year was going to be a ride and I meant it. We’re four days into the new year and I’ve just heard back from school-PI that I’m good to submit my IRB. Since that may sound like gibberish to the non-academic and because I like to make things accessible, today I’ll explain what an IRB is, why it’s important, and why having one is somewhere between a small step and a giant leap to my PhD.
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I don’t want to think that I’m unlucky, but sometimes things just keep happening and you have to wonder if somewhere in a past life I broke dozens of mirrors or walked under a few hundred ladders. Who knows? What I do know is that luck has not been kind. Things tend to break around me and while I don’t know the rate at which I should be expecting things to break, the current rate feels incredibly high.
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Last year I did a post like this and I figure it was fun, so I’m going to try yet again to predict what this year will look like for me. Sure, they are the things I would like to happen, but as I found out last year what I think will happen and what does happen, are two different things. So the plan is simple, list a few things I want to get done this year and why, then laugh next year as I either fail miserably, go off on some new and seemingly unrelated tangent, or do far more than I imagined. It will be an interesting year no matter what the outcome though.
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Last year I did “a year in review” and yesterday, feeling a bit curious on seeing what I had accomplished the year before last (2020), I went back and read it. Obviously the last year has been… interesting to say the least. We’ve collectively been through some shit, but that doesn’t mean nothing good happened so for a moment at least I want to catalog some of the good stuff that happened last year. So next year, I can do the same look back and see what my goals were and what was actually accomplished.
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It’s that time again. We’re bringing in another year. Let’s be real, the last two years have been progressively worse and 2022 doesn’t look like it will start off any better. I don’t know what will be in store for us in the upcoming year, but my one request to anyone who stumbles upon this is to be kind to each other. Wear a mask, get vaccinated, then boosted, and if we can finally work together, maybe we can at least make 2022 the year we beat COVID. I’m not optimistic, but I’m happy to be proven wrong. To each and every one of the readers of my little blog, happy new year to you and yours. And thank you for spending another year with me on my journey.
With the end of the year upon us, I figure it’s time to commit to my books read in 2021 list. Last year I believe I did something similar, if not, I should have. In any case, every year as part of my “lazy goals” I challenge myself to read a certain number of books. The purpose is to stop and relax from time to time. Or just to carve out a couple of hours to enjoy reading a good story, well hopefully good. Want to read something, but aren’t sure what? Don’t worry, I have some recommendations!
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We are an alarming number of days away from the new year. Where did this year go? Why did it suck so bad? Why was this possibly the best year we will see in our lifetimes? Why am I asking so many damned questions? Am I having an existential crisis now that the year is coming to an end? That was a legit question and not part of the running gag. I’m a man who likes his plans, so let’s look at what (I hope) is instore for next year.
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Time to dust off my scrubs, it’s back to work for me. In fact, I have been so busy with other things I don’t think I mentioned it, but today is yet another OR experiment. With how well the previous two went, I’m hopeful that this one will go well, but a somewhat alarming email from hospital-PI yesterday may throw a wrench into any plans I had.
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Fine, I will give out my recipe! But be warned with great empanadas come great responsibilities! In other words, once you make these for your friends or family you’ll be obligated to make more. Ask me how I know! That said, I never bothered to write down the recipe, I’ve always made it by “feel,” but since I’ve shared pictures twice now of the result I keep getting the request for it.
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Well it’s been an interesting few days. Since I don’t get to have a traditional holiday experience (due to COVID), like most people I know, I opted to make enough food to feed a small army so I could share some with basically everyone in a safer manner than having one big celebration. Over the past two days I’ve spent a total of 18 hours in the kitchen, but who’s counting? Me, I’m counting.
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Well, it’s Christmas day again and we are still dealing with COVID. Maybe you’re numb to it or maybe you’re like me and incredibly stressed out about it. Whatever the case this year probably looks very different from prior years and even from last year. Last year I wished that COVID would be a history lesson and not a current event. Maybe it was ambitious, but I don’t want to lose hope so once again my holiday wish is that next year we beat this and can properly mourn for those who were lost during this (ideally) brief period of history. So from my “crazy” little family to yours, happy holidays!
Well I wish I could say that today is a regularly scheduled day of relaxing. In a way it kind of is? Today is my regularly scheduled prep for tomorrow’s dinner. Now I don’t have a traditional family, but I do have friends and what not, so I’m making a rather large meal. The plan (as it is every year) is to have plenty of leftovers for myself, but also to have enough to hand out to friends and coworkers when Monday rolls around.
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Every year around this time I think of Alice (not her real name). Alice and I have a lot in common. We have the same last name, same initials, and we had no idea the other existed until one day when I randomly checked my email and discovered a serious case of mistaken identity. That was my introduction to Alice, so every year I think about her and wonder how she’s doing. But my dear reader, the story isn’t about the emails. The story is about what happened next.
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The good news is we have data! Lots of data, more data than you could shake a stick at, although I don’t know why you would shake a stick at anything… That’s beside the point(ed stick) though! Yesterday was not one, but two OR experiments and I have to say surgeon-PI must be in way better shape than he appears because both hospital-PI and I are exhausted!
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That’s not the name of the paper, but that’s the general idea. We tend to take movement for granted, I mean most of the time we do it without thinking. I don’t look down as I’m typing these words, yet my fingers know what to do to make it happen. Similarly, we don’t really think about balancing ourselves when we walk, we just do it. So if I’m not consciously thinking about every step I take when I walk down the street, who, or what is keeping me going?
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It’s a familiar story by now. Tomorrow is not one, but two experiments in the OR. In fact, I’m going to be so busy tomorrow that I’m probably going to write tomorrow’s post today. The good (or at least interesting) news there is that I have a good topic lined up for tomorrow since it just happened to fall in my lap. But for today, well let’s just say there’s not a whole lot of time.
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Well it’s the holiday season. Whether you’ve already celebrated, are about to celebrate, or don’t celebrate at all, one thing is certain. Things look a whole lot different than just a few years ago. I, of all people, understand feeling numb or helpless as we look around us and see all the suffering that is going on. I can also acknowledge that if we’re going to get through this then some self care is in order. For a lot of us, even if we’re not the religious type, the holidays are supposed to be magical. So it’s my annual reminder that with a little effort you can help bring a little magic, or maybe a bit of mischief to the season.
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As the year wraps up, I still feel like there’s quite a bit of work left for me to accomplish. Now to be fair, year end isn’t some magical barrier, but it is a good way to mark the passage of time and I’ve had the opportunity to do some amazing things this year, so I’m not complaining. Still, with all the accomplishments I’ve had, and there were several, why do I feel like I have so much left to do?
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Pick your battles. After having a conversation with another student about their PhD plans and how soon they want to graduate, they offered that sometimes you need to pick your battles. I couldn’t agree more with that statement and when I met with school-PI a few days ago virtually to go over my big PhD plans I asked what I needed to do to finish. I needed to pick my battles.
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It’s official, I just got not one, but two new participants for our study. This will be happening next week and the scary part is they are both on the same day, so it will be more than a full day in the OR, like 12 hours or so for the whole day. Not all of that time will be spent in the OR, thankfully. Every attempt we’ve had thus far in the OR has gotten better and better, so if the pattern holds, we should have some very good data after this next round of participants and I will have more data than I know what to do with.
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Well kids, Christmas has come early! As of this morning my second of four journal papers I’ve written has been accepted for publication! Since it’s been a somewhat long and confusing road, I figure today I can remind everyone why I’m so thrilled about this paper and why this is good news for me in particular. There’s still a lot to do and more papers to publish as we go, but things are looking up!
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Well we did it. I finally have the first (mostly) complete dataset from a patient. Overall I think it went well and we got good data. Mistakes were made! But thankfully none of them derailed the project and overall I am happy with the outcome. Let’s get into what went wrong and what went right, because having some post surgical notes will help me next time we do our thing.
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Today’s the day, experiment number five. With lot of luck this will be the first full experiment we do for this protocol. It will hopefully mark a turning point for us since after four attempts we’ve yet to get a full dataset. However, I’m hopeful, but I’m also going in alone today.
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Tomorrow will mark attempt number six to get the data we’re after from the OR. We’ve got a very unwieldy experiment to do which involves coordinating with the surgeon, but also the staff to make sure we don’t run into each other. It’s a delicate dance and if you haven’t been following along, it hasn’t been great so far.
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I have a lot of health problems. If I were to dedicate a post to each we would be here awhile. They affect me in ways that I’m very aware of and sometimes I’m left to wonder if they affect me in ways I don’t always notice. Maybe my communication skills are just that awful or somehow my brain just can’t make sense of things. I feel like I’m going crazy, but it has to be me… right?
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Lunatic Laboratories 